All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
