o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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