just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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