For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What a dumb baby whore.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
