Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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