I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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