Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
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