I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
