I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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