i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
