yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
