Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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