I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
