i don't like sucking hair
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
