she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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