I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
