he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
