I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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