She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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