Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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