we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
