you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Semen is not good for contacts.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
