Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
