'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
