I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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