Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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