i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
