My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
