does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
