You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
