she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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