drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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