We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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