yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
