I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
