Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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