i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
