she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
