I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
