Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
