Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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