You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
