So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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