She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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