so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
