If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
