The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
