he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
