I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
