His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
