Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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