I love black thongs
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
sex in a hospital.. check
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
